I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
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He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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