My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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