I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
