I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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