Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
