I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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