Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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