That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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