Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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