My underwear smells like fireworks.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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