Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
