Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
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