I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
