So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
