dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
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Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
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third nipple confirmed
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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