So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize