o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
