I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
