Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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