Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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