get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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