Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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