it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
