had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
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If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
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Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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