i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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