so that wasnt chicken after all
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
