I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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