It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
