Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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