i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
