I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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