Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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