He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
