hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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