Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Randomize
