I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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