Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
