if you like me you must not know who I am
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think I have vodka in my lungs
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
