I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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