Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
