Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
