No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
