I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
