I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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