just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
