Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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