I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
True strength comes from lack of pants
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
