Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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