I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
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Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
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we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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