he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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