considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
