I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she pinky promised me she was 18
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
