i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
