When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
