Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
