No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
