so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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