Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
