Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
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