One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
