ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
