so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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