I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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