I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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