i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
