Screwed.edu
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You're a waste of cheezeits
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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