I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
