My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
