ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
